Fart Machines

Hi Kids!!

Given that next week is Mother's Day, the first insert comes courtesy of my ma. Also a funny lady, afterall, I am who I am because I came from her. Thanks ma for this one.

So the awesome Dollarama store has this most wonderful little fart machine. Honestly hours of endless laughter for only a buck. I know what you're thinking, I can't believe she going to start this off with fart humour. This one is worth a read though.

So everytime I'm in the toy section of Dollarama (more that you think), I am compelled to purchase 5 to 10 of these little cylindrical containers of goo. How they work... basically it's just a tin of goo in florescent colours; green is my favorite. You open the lid and insert one or two fingers into the goo. The air pockets created by this movement slap against the goo to create the most believable, loud and totally real sounding fart noises.

I buy several fart machines because everytime that I show someone one of these, their reaction is that of a child finding Easter eggs. Coy little laughter and an inability to stop putting their fingers in and out of the toy. In these instances I feel it only right to let them have the toy. Besides I don't where their fingers have been. I prefer to keep my goo germ free or at least limit it to my own germs.

Being of the same taste in humour, my ma took her toy's potential to a whole new level. She decided to keep hers by the phone. Conveniently a telemarketer calls. Opposite to normal, my ma agrees to the survey of the day.

Hello Mrs Ryerse

Would like to complete a survey on your cable service provider?

Sure

Okay then we'll begin

faarrrtttt

Ahem, are you still there Mrs Ryerse?

Oh yes. Faaarrrttt. Ohh.

Ok then , uh how satisfied are you with your cable service provider?

faaarrrtt

Uh unsatisfied, satisfied, extremely satisfied?

faaarrrrtttt. Satisfied.

Uh huh. I see. Giggle

Faaarrrttt. Ow. Oh geez

Mrs Ryerse are you ok?

Why yes fffaaaaarrrrrttttt. Uh oh.

Mrs Ryerse do you need some time?

No dear why? faaarrrrrrttt

Mrs Ryerse Im going to call you back at another time.

Ok dear ffaaaaarrrrrttt Call again, faarrt, anytime. faaarrrt

No jokes here kids. This is the best use for the fart machine that I've encountered. The challenge put forth. Can you do better? Please submit your fart machine stories and the best ones will be posted for the world to appreciate your creativity.

My own fart machine incident. It's super fun to go behind the Santa at the mall with your fart machine. Santa can't get up and kick your ass, and kids love farts. Try it on a dull December day.

I look forward to your stories.

ciao for today kids